Wendy Williams: Battle of The Sexes
Of all the thousands of wars in tumultuous human history, one is the oldest, it has been fought on every continent, in every culture and nation, small or large - the war between men and women.
THE WAR BETWEEN MEN & WOMEN
Gen 1:26, 27: "And God said let us make man in our image, after our likeness... So, God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him, male and female created he him."
Matthew 19:5
"...for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be one flesh."
I have had a difficult time writing this piece and have decided, after nearly a month, that I will simply have to make this "part one.” This is not only because of my difficulty in focusing and structuring this vast subject matter but also because of the multiple relevant threads weaving through this. From my own failure in relationships to the incredible and sorrowful battles that seem to be occurring all over the world, I am forced to break this down and attempt "part one." Fasten seat belts; this is searing and bumpy stuff that I, nevertheless, am guided to write about in my "blunt" style, as the Holy Spirit guided me so.
Of all the thousands of wars in tumultuous human history, one is the oldest, battled on every continent, in every culture and nation, small or large - the war between men and women.
From the origin of the complimentary opposites needed to create life has sprung so much discord, sorrow, enmity, separation, and brokenness. The myriad ways of "coping" have flourished into a muddy mess of tangled and tattered threads, the sightless leading the same, into everything that is not a core solution being pursued with insane vigor.
For myself, I was such an innocent child, having no childhood friends who were boys, sheltered but not " repressed." Mostly it was "Boys, EWWW!!" and that was the end of the story. Even with the fluttery thoughts of a " hope chest,” there were no boys in my childhood framework except my two older brothers, 8 and 11 years older than
I. In my childhood, a girl's " hope chest" was a tradition, an innocent large wooden chest that a girl and her mom would begin in girlhood to put small things of beauty and household things away, things for a future home she " hoped" to create in her future with the young man she would someday marry. I do not know the origins of this tradition, only that I never began one.
My dear Mom died suddenly overnight when I was 13 and that trauma, plus my brother's death 2 years later in Vietnam, starkly savaged with grief not only my heartfelt walk with God but any stable plans for marriage or family after that.
I was utterly cast adrift. The tumult of the 1960s destroyed with a sledgehammer the last vestiges of male-female formality. We are seeing the disastrous results of all this more and more.
From the history of human beings, including the starkness of Biblical texts, including Genesis chapter 3 on the enmity between the serpent and humans, Romans chapters 2 and 3 on the debased nature of fallen human beings, Revelation on the words of judgment of the various churches from Jesus Christ, the path grows darker and more troubled daily. This grove of tears includes:
divorce
promiscuity
sexually transmitted diseases
abortion
increasing same-sex attraction, gender dysphoria
adult and child sex trafficking
pornography
extolling the "worth" of brokenness
I have personally experienced much of the list above.
My own parents divorced, a very intense and sad thing for me, the innocent (clueless...) daughter caught in the middle.
I was extremely promiscuous in my youth.
I had three different STDs, including gonorrhea, crab lice, and trichinosis, all miserable forays.
I had two abortions in late summer-early autumn of 1973, not remotely pleasant.
I was bisexual for two years, " trying out" women as sex partners, and it was not a happy thing for me.
I was never drawn to porn, but I did experience " cybering,” which is basically having verbal sex with strangers online.
Some "hipster" culture does seem to extol the " virtues " of brokenness, and I fit right in with that (extreme sarcasm)
I was fortunate to not experience sex trafficking in any way.
From the sheer depths of my own extremely visceral and sorrowful journey, as I walk slowly through my elder years at 71 (born 1952), I see in tearful hindsight the terrible mess we have made over the centuries. I see my own extremely ragged part in it during the 1960s and 1970s. That fallen angel Lucifer, whom Jesus Christ referred to in John 8:44 as " a liar and the father of it," led the charge for my own Baby Boomer generation, from the siren call of " sexual freedom" that was actually a steaming pile of large animal waste (you know the profane phrase). I lost count of how many sex partners I had in my 20s, somewhere between 50 and 60, mostly men and a handful of women. I tried to be bisexual, but it did not "take" with me as I am attracted to men. It was an absolute disaster to me, body, mind, soul, and spirit.
It successfully deflected me from formal marriage, and I aborted my two children in the late summer of 1973 after the dreadful Roe mess.
While I had one stable long-term partnership, he and I did not marry. The bluntness of this stark statement still brings sorrow.
With no other way I can express this, I broke the template and do not think I am marriage material. I am too blunt, too prickly, too independent, and in need of solitude. I have paid a high price for this.
Only God can mend and restore this mess.
The dear gay friends I knew from my youth were a rambunctious bunch, smart, street-smart, and creatively gifted, including one lesbian and a small pack of rowdy men. We were a merry mob of pranksters. My friends were also sex addicts, as was I. While I valiantly " joined the team" and became bisexual for 2 years, I also often fell in love with gay men (not a smart tactic). Defending my gay friends from mistreatment was sincere, and yet I joined them in dissolute sexual behavior.
Heterosexuals have a filthy house to clean up and can hardly point the blame at homosexuals. I can understand gay men and women looking at the frequent mess of heterosexual marriage and recoiling, "Why would I want that mess?" I do sincerely "get it." I think, based on my own intense experience with my gay friends of youth, that some of my same-sex attraction is almost a seeking of an understandable refuge, an attempted "defense" against the pressures of two families endeavoring to " blend." With two opposite rugged individualists expected to coexist under one roof and raise the little persons that may come from the male-female sexual union, this can be a major case of "overwhelm. "
Since I never formally married, I have no frame of accurate reference for how this complex dance is done. The vast majority of my sex partners were brief, one-night stands, unsatisfying in all ways. My own parents had a failed marriage and finally separated after three children, all grown. Once my Dad told Mom he was formally filing for divorce (they had separated for a couple of months), she actually had a massive stroke that same night and died by morning. I was then unexpectedly and rudely shifted from " team Mom" to "team Dad," my Dad is the one who did not want me while Mom was pregnant with me at 2 1/2 months into her 40th year! To my Dad's credit, he did his duty and provided for me through high school and helped me launch in full stumble out into the world, fully knowing he never wanted me to begin with. That was certainly a deep wound that contributed to my own plentiful failures in relationships. I think so many out there go through the same thing.
I had no clue, seeing so much relationship disaster surrounding me. Rock and roll culture and angry political and cultural battles did not lead to harmonious agreements, especially between boys and girls! I did not expect to marry or be a parent, and with my dear Mom gone and my Dad distant, I had no map to guide me. Having broken my Christian roots, I wandered for a very long time.
God, YOU have a purpose for men and women.
All the legitimate pain between males and females needs to be brought directly to God. He made each of us and He has an answer to us, one by one.
Even in the animal world, the drive to reproduce is core. There is no debate. There is only one way to create life, and that is through the union of elements of both male and female. The process is simple, but the responsibilities are immense. I knew personally that I was not "mom" material, and I offered the solutions of sterilization, birth control, or celibacy to those who do not want children.
That being said, the core of basic human survival does require reproduction. There are so many repercussions to the levels of reproduction. That is another huge subject that I will tackle later on.
All we can do is begin where we are and humble ourselves, asking God to take our mess and help us up and out, day by day and laborious day. Even if our surface appears neat and tidy (note: I am NOT inviting any of you to my apartment...not neat and tidy... and I am in a sea of paper, as per my writing avocation!!!), God sees the heart. We cannot hide our inner self from the One Who created us and Who loves each of us. He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to intercede for us in all this chaos and to offer not only counsel but divine assistance, even through our dismay.
All the legitimate pain between males and females needs to be brought directly to God. He made each of us and He has an answer to us, one by one.
The core of my premise with this writing piece is that humans need the guiding hand of God, the Creator. He actually has a plan for every human but so few of us ever experience that plan and much less, follow it. The disaster of the world reflects this quite starkly. I am saddened by this but can clearly see my own visceral life experience reflected in this chaos. I do not push children on anyone but I do strongly suggest the need to find a healing space between the core opposites of human beings, male and female. Only God can be the "coach" and Guide for us all.
In future writings, hence parts 2 and on... I will feature my own youthful history as a feminist (not one anymore) and the MGTOW (men going their own way) and Men's Rights movements. As I said, both sides have legitimate "grievances" against the opposite sex. These cannot be shoved under any rug but need the brilliant light that only God and His Son can bring. Their healing is extraordinarily deep and profound but only accessed through the difficult work of faith and the daily walk that is anything but easy.
Even for someone such as myself, who is not a huge energetic person and who does not do well with the Western template of "all work must be hard,” the walk of faith is essential. What keeps me going is that I do not walk alone, with not only Father God, but His Son also - the Lord Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit helping me through every muddy pit and ditch I have fallen headfirst into or wandered around in. They do not stand over me with a stick, nor do they castigate me. They allow me to immediately repent, ask for forgiveness, get a spiritual hug, and a map for the next step or two.
This is seldom a mighty leap...but it keeps me moving. As one who sits and simmers and ruminates and stews and worries, all not good habits, the Lord continues to work a little bit at a time. Even a tiny bit is more than nothing and actually does add up. One by one is the redemptive work of my Husband, Jesus.
Wendy | Visit Wendy’s Substack
Wendy, thank you for sharing your story. May we all be so blessed as to benefit from learning of your faith journey.
I look forward to many more instalments from Wendy. I am a product of the same generation. Wendy was not one of my conquests, but many others were. Oh the shame of my youth. Thanks be to Yeshua for His grace to the glory of YAH.